if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize