Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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