Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
