i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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