Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
