I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
