It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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