That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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