Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
