you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize