He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
