Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
