I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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