Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize