So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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