I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
