If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
