did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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