Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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