cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
