don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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