she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
