You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
