the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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