I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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