you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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