do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
