you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
