I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
