This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
