what day is it and did you see me today?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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