he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
