At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize
