she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
