I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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