In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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