Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
