Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
