I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize