the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
