I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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