you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
