I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
