I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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