This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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