Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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