her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
