so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
