apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
