No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
