He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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