Will you blow on my dice?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You ruined the universe
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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