Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
