I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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