In the future we'll all be gay
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
