In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Randomize
