i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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