My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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