dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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