You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
