Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
