End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
