I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
