you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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