The maid of honor just puked.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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