I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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