Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
