it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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