I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
