I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Someone signed my nipple.
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